Top brass of the Chicago Police Department love to tout their Predictive Analytics unit—sometimes called the “Crystal Ball Unit”—which claims to have the ability to predict where homicides will happen before they actually happen.
When they get some spare time, maybe the department will develop the elusive technology needed to predict when Wrigleyville bar crawls will pop up.
19th district officers were caught off-guard Saturday when an estimated 1,000+ revelers poured into Wrigleyville for the 18th annual “Unofficial St. Patrick’s Day Crawl.” District supervisors say they were not informed of the event in advance.
The “Unofficial” crawl’s fallout provides us with a glimpse of what next weekend’s main event holds in store:
4:21PM — Ambulance needed at Starbucks across from Wrigley Field for an extremely intoxicated woman.
4:22PM – Detox run. The door to Jamba Juice, Clark and Diversey, is blocked by a “very well-dressed, highly intoxicated man” in a beige coat and green sweater.
4:53PM — A resident of the 3300 block of Sheffield reports that he was just beaten inside of his apartment by a white man who was wearing an American flag hat. The attacker is said to have gone to a nearby bar.
4:54PM – Redmund’s bar, just around the corner from the previous man’s apartment, reports that someone just kicked in their door. Police arrive and determine that this incident and the previous case are related. A suspect is detained and, despite sustained efforts, he is not able to kick his way out of the squad car’s back seat. He is transported to Illinois Masonic. Both cases are recorded in CPD case HX177253.
5:56PM — 13 people are fighting in the street at Clark and Cornelia.
8:04PM — Check the well being of a man in a green t-shirt who’s passed out in the doorway at Old Crow Smokehouse, 3506 N. Clark. The man has been hauled away via ambulance by the time officers arrive.
9:07PM — Police are asked to accompany an ambulance to the 3800 block of Wilton, where a 24-year-old man is disoriented and intoxicated. He is trucked away via ambulance, too.
10:56PM — Disturbance at Old Crow Smokehouse
11:00PM — Unknown man is throwing things around inside Pizza Hut, 3009 N. Clark. Assault case HX177586.
11:59PM — Doormen having trouble with a former patron at Sluggers, 3540 N. Clark
12:04AM — Security at Fiesta Cantina, 3407 N. Clark, has a man trying to get back inside after being refused service.
12:08AM — Officers are flagged down for a battery at Rebel Bar & Grill, 3460 N. Clark.
12:48AM — Sluggers manager is calling back. That guy from an hour ago is “antagonizing the bouncers” again.
12:50PM — “Big brawl” at Clark and Roscoe according to multiple callers. A group of Hispanic men are seen fleeing the area eastbound on Newport.
1:11AM — Battery at Sheffield and Waveland.
1:46AM — That security guard at Taco Bell calls for help. Police arrive and determine a battery has occurred. They’re careful to point out that the arrestee’s head injury came from his “encounter” with the security guard, not them. Battery case HX177662.
|This means YOU.|
3:16AM — McDonald’s in Wrigleyville reports a man taking off his clothes inside their restaurant. He’s gone when police arrive.
3:27AM — Police accompany an ambulance to Hydrate, 3458 N. Halsted, after a man falls off the bar while dancing.
A man stole the iPad from Artful Frame Studios, 2938 N. Clark around 12:30 yesterday. The thief, described as male, black, 5’10” to 6′ tall, and weighing 220 pounds, wore a dark letterman-style sports jacket with patches on it. CPD theft case HX176910.