HALSTED, WE HAVE A PROBLEM: But The Parade Ain’t (Necessarily) One

The traditional Wrigleyville/Boystown approach to
problem resolution: 
What should we do about this? Uh, so…are you 
guys cool with Pequods? I mean, I don’t like 
peppers that much, but maybe… Hey, Chuckie, you
like Pequods? Oh, yeah, forgot about that. They
probably have something gluten-free, like a salad or
something. I mean, we’re all going to order, right?
I should’ve eaten breakfast, LOL. Like, what are
you thinking? Two large pizzas? There’s eleven
of us, so two…Oh back there? No, he always brings
his own lunch. His wife is like “whapshhhh!” Whipped
man, seriously “whapshhhh” whipped! Anywho.
Huh? Oh,  I dunno. I think Jeremy is allergic to basil. 
Hey, Jeremy!? We’re getting Pequods.
You’re allergic to basil, right? Oregano. Right. That’s
right, oregano. No, it’s..he’s, he’s really allergic
to it. Like, if he smells it, he has to like get an
injection and s***. But, well, I think they have
pastas, too. Elise, pull up Pequods’ menu
and see if they have pastas. Pequods. P-E-
oh, my god, can you belie-P-E-Q-U-O-D-S.
I dunno, it’s like on Armitage or something.
Yeah, just ask if they have pastas without
oregano because Jeremy is super allergic and
if he eats any, we’ll need to jab him with, like,
an EpiPen or whatever that’s called. Well,
because it would kill hi…yeah I’m OK with
pineapple I guess. You all like pineapple,
right? JESUS! Elise…I am SO f-ing hungry
right now…Elise, call Pequods and ask if they
grill their pineapple first. Thanks. Ahh at
any rate. So are you dropping some pounds?
You…No? Well, I mean, you’re looking
good. No, really, I wish I looked half as
good as…Armitage. It’s a street, Elise. Swear
to God. You got a smoke? I know, I know,
I mean, I haven’t had one in almost a week
because whapshhhh! No. No onions. At least not for me. 
Ask Pablo. If Pablo likes onions that’s fine, I’ll
have some onions. Pablo. HEY! Pablo! You
like onions?

Almost exactly one year ago, DNAInfo reported this:

A neighbor who said the Pride Parade should be kicked out of Lakeview due to crime was applauded at this month’s CAPS meeting, but Ald. Tom Tunney [...] said those demanding its end are in the “very minor, minor minority.”

Tunney’s office received about 40 complaint calls in the first three days after the parade, he said, and most of them were about traffic — not crime.

“People know that this is a busy, dynamic neighborhood,” Tunney said. “What you’re saying right now — you’re one person with an ax to grind.”

Just one person. Looks like that may now be two people: that stupid idiot from last year and some guy named Tom Tunney.  Here’s what the alderman said about the Pride Parade aftermath this year:

[…} The problems that came with the post-parade late-night crowd will be addressed as we continue to examine the parade route and evaluate all options for next year.

The parade has crowding issues. Belmont is the problem. Both can be fixed.

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About CWBChicago 4275 Articles
CWBChicago was created in 2013 by five residents of Wrigleyville and Boystown who had grown disheartened with inaccurate information that was being provided at local Community Policing (CAPS) meetings. Our coverage area has expanded since then to cover Lincoln Park, River North, The Loop, Uptown, and other North Side Areas. But our mission remains unchanged: To provide original public safety reporting with better context and greater detail than mainstream media outlets. Our editorial email address is news@cwbchicago.com