Descriptions of criminal suspects can be so boring sometimes. Thank goodness we have people like these to keep it interesting:
Best Suspect Description Of The Week (Candidate #1)
Wanted for the theft of a white Toyota RAV 4 at 4:38PM Thursday in the 1100 block of Fullerton: A black man in his 20’s, 6’1″ tall, very skinny, wearing a purple shower cap, pink lipstick, peach-colored pants, and a brown handbag.
Best Suspect Description Of The Week (Candidate #2)
Wednesday, 6:04AM — In the 4200 block of Kenmore, a white man who was involved in a fight earlier has returned and won’t stop ringing the doorbell. He has black hair. He’s bleeding from the head. He’s wearing Bart Simpson underwear.
…Update, 6:06AM — Now he’s naked, lying on the hood of a car, still bleeding from the head, and he’s masturbating.
First World Problems
Saturday, 2:41AM – Jacob just walked into his apartment in the 3300 block of Clark. He needs the police because he says he found a naked girl in his bed. He doesn’t know her and she won’t leave.