LIGHTER SIDE: Vivid Descriptions


Descriptions of criminal suspects can be so boring sometimes. Thank goodness we have people like these to keep it interesting:

Best Suspect Description Of The Week (Candidate #1)

Wanted for the theft of a white Toyota RAV 4 at 4:38PM Thursday in the 1100 block of Fullerton: A black man in his 20’s, 6’1″ tall, very skinny, wearing a purple shower cap, pink lipstick, peach-colored pants, and a brown handbag.

Best Suspect Description Of The Week (Candidate #2)

Wednesday, 6:04AM — In the 4200 block of Kenmore, a white man who was involved in a fight earlier has returned and won’t stop ringing the doorbell. He has black hair. He’s bleeding from the head. He’s wearing Bart Simpson underwear.

…Update, 6:06AM — Now he’s naked, lying on the hood of a car, still bleeding from the head, and he’s masturbating.

First World Problems

Saturday, 2:41AM – Jacob just walked into his apartment in the 3300 block of Clark. He needs the police because he says he found a naked girl in his bed. He doesn’t know her and she won’t leave.

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About CWBChicago 4274 Articles
CWBChicago was created in 2013 by five residents of Wrigleyville and Boystown who had grown disheartened with inaccurate information that was being provided at local Community Policing (CAPS) meetings. Our coverage area has expanded since then to cover Lincoln Park, River North, The Loop, Uptown, and other North Side Areas. But our mission remains unchanged: To provide original public safety reporting with better context and greater detail than mainstream media outlets. Our editorial email address is